Gary's Blog Home

Here’s to another day in the Holt household. I just finished reading all the comments to Gary – cried a lot – and it really sunk in how important he has been to so many people. I know he is my world, my computer genius, my Mr. Fix-It, my stay focused man, my very own engineer … it is so nice to see how others have felt about Gary over the years and to hear their stories. It blows my mind how so many people care, and touches my heart in ways you will never know.

Gary continues the fight… but I have noticed he isn’t as responsive as he has been. I can usually get him to respond to me by asking him a question and having him grunt or moan if the answer is yes.  I was giving him water droplets through a straw yesterday, gave him a kiss and he kissed me back.  I wasn’t sure if it was really a kiss – or if Gary thought he was getting more water – so I tried again.  Sure enough, another kiss was returned.  He also gets agitated if Ben is having a fit of some sort.  He obviously was trying to get Ben to behave. As soon as Ben calmed down, Gary quited down too. 

I know it is only a matter of time, but I will continue to cherish every moment with him.  We (I) have very good talks in the middle of the night, and I ask him his opinion on just about everything.  My family continues to help me, Gary’s mom has been here each day, as well as Gary’s son Jon.  The visits, the phone calls, the comments all help.  This is not how Gary and I expected we would end up – but one thing is for sure – our love continues.

Hello everyone. Thank you for the best anniversary wishes! We have had 9+ WONDERFUL years together and now are savoring each minute. Gary is still fighting with all that he has – I can not tell you how often I thought this was it. But, Gary has other ideas. His breathing is labored, and I have started putting drops in his eyes because they get so dried out. He does not like when I do that. I continue to talk with him and tell him stories about things that we have done together… and I check with him when I need to make some sort of decision or another. Darryl, I told him your story, he grunted… so maybe that was a way of laughing. I am not sure I said it right, but I told him he would have to fill me in on the story another time. David, I wish Gary was more alert – I know he would have enjoyed reconnecting with you.

For now, we continue to wait and pray. Thank you for all the comments, phone calls and prayers. It means a lot to us. We received a phone call from Gilles Marini last night checking in on Gary. I think that made Gary smile.

Just wanted to do a quick update for everyone. Gary is still fighting… holding on. He isn’t as responsive as this weekend, he spoke a bit yesterday morning but by the afternoon he was sleeping most of the time, or listening to all that is going on around him. He is getting more restless and is having more pain. Overall, I think he is comfortable. He told me he does not want to go back to the hospital, and I am trying very hard to make that possible.

Gary helped me reposition him this morning, and even said a few words. It is our 9th anniversary today, so he and I are celebrating.
Thank you for the continued prayers for Gary.

We got through another day. Gary had a pretty good nights rest last night although this is going a lot faster than I thought. On Saturday he was having trouble holding the phone to his ear, and this morning his shoulders and elbows kept giving out when he was leaning on them. He is very tired, and has more difficulty getting the thoughts out of his head. He is still fighting – although more slowly.
Continue reading Status Update: September 27 (Through a Wife’s Eyes)

Hello all. Gary and I would like to thank you for all the comments and prayers sent out to him. We know they are helping. Gary is currently on the phone with Hartley – his friend from work. They are talking work things – in between hiccups. It is good that Gary is talking about work, and using his mind. He gets so frustrated when he looses his train of thought. Continue reading Status Update: September 24

Hello everyone. This is probably one of the hardest posts we have had to do… but we have made the decision to discontinue treatment. Continue reading Difficult Decision

I’ve been meaning to add some posts, but just haven’t had the energy or the ability to keep my mind on one task. I had a procedure done yesterday, which should really make a difference in being able regulate my comfort. I had been going in to Continue reading Quick Update

Today was a better day for Gary. When I arrived this morning, I asked how he was doing… and he said (in a weaker voice) “Good. Real Good.” That was SO nice to hear. He said he had slept through the night.  I thought he looked better too. We cleaned him up, and he had some visitors stop in… Continue reading Still Fighting Update

It is Tuesday, I am writing this from the hospital. They had hoped to do another paracentesis today, and place another tube into Gary’s abdomen so we could drain fluid instead of coming into the hospital every few days. Unfortunately the person to do that is gone until at least Thursday. They took out 2 liters on Monday, because they did not want Gary to be too uncomfortable waiting for the next procedure. They didn’t remove all the fluid because they need to have it moist in there when they insert the catheter. I do wish they had taken a little more out though, Gary is already distended to where he is very uncomfortable.

He started the TPN nutrition and lipid infusion last night. I knew it wasn’t a cure all but I had hoped that it would give him a bit more energy. It hasn’t yet. Gary is VERY weak and the prognosis isn’t very good. The doctor’s feel that the cancer has spread into the abdomen and around the bowel and that is what is making Gary feel so lousy. But we continue to fight – the PT came in and showed us some exercises to do and Gary just got up to sit in a chair to drink his broth. We thank you all for the prayers, comments and concern.  We’ll try and keep you posted.

Just wanted to follow up after Gary’s treatment.   Gary is back in the hospital again.  They disconnected him from the CADD pump and gave him a liter of fluid on Thursday. He has been very weak, and has not been able to eat or drink much of anything. On Friday he didn’t want to go any where but we figured he would end up in the hospital this weekend if he didn’t go in for fluids. They gave him 2 liters, and ran additional blood tests. We were wondering if he was anemic. Nothing really came of it, so I brought him home. I went back to work, and at about 3pm Gary started having pain in the abdomin and on the left side. At 8pm, we went into the ER. He was moved to the oncology floor at about 2am.

He may have a blockage. They did a CT scan, and there is fluid in there, but they wanted to wait 24 hours to see what happens before doing another paracentesis. Unfortunately he is NPO, but I am hoping that they give him some TPN or additional nutrients some way. He may also have another infection.

I will keep you informed once I know more.