Gary's Blog Home

UPDATED:  Okay, so I have to share this one… Ben and I were putzing around the house yesterday, waiting to go pick up my niece, Raeanna.  At around 12:30 a fire truck came down our road andturned around.  Ben and I were out on the deck, andone of the fire fighters walked up the hill.  He said he was looking for a trail to take them to the grass fire.  (what grass fire?)  He pointed to the ridge on the East side of the house on the other side of the gully.  Sure enough there was smoke.  They said we should be fine, because the wind was blowing the other way.  As he said that, the winds shifted.  Still… we didn’t need to worry.  The two fire fighters headed up the steep hillside with their trusty brooms.  I continued dusting the living room.  Ben was blowing bubbles on the deck.  About a half hour later Ben says, “Mom, you have to come and see this.”  Yep.  Black smoke, and flames through the trees.  Okay.  Time for us to leave. 

I grabbed a box and threw in our wedding album, Ben’s baby pictures and other pictures of us and the kids, some paper work, and video tapes of the wedding.  Ben grabbed his stuffed dog Check, his NCIS hat and jacket, and 3 pieces of chocolate.  We hauled that stuff down, and I made a couple more trips, grabbing the poster boards I made for the funeral, and Gary’s ashes.  (plus some odd stuff like a pair of Gary’s pj’s, his watch and Ben’s toothbrush.)  I kept looking up, and could still see the flames.  2 DNR vehicles came but waited to be called up.  Ben and I left the house but hung out on Highway 23 to see what might happen.  Our friend Tom called before I left to make sure we were alright. He had been listening to the scanner.  I guess the old water tower at the top of the hill was engulfed, and some grass and trees were on fire.  One of the DNR guys said it wasn’t a big deal… being that our house was close by, I beg to differ.   They were able to put it out, and when I came back to the house at 6pm all was quiet.  What excitement for a relaxing Saturday.  It makes me chuckle to think of the stuff I grabbed.  This morning I looked up at the tall pine trees and gave thanks. 

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It is hard to believe we are half way through March.  Two whole seasons have almost past since Gary died.  Sometimes it feels like he is going to walk around the corner.  I was talking to my mom the other day and she told me that Samantha Harris wouldn’t be on Dancing With the Stars this season.  I found myself almost calling out to Gary in the kitchen, to tell him the news.  The urge was so strong.  That has happened before, but this time it felt so right.  We have been having trouble with the Internet.  I am crossing my fingers that I will not get knocked off tonight.  I know it is something that Gary could have fixed in no time.  Not me.

So, what’s been happening in the Holt household over these last few months? Ben and I have had our share of challenges, that’s for sure.  So much so that Ben was asking me what else was going to happen.  On Jan. 22nd we woke to no heat.  On Jan. 23rd we had to get a new furnace.  I was planning to take that day off because Ben didn’t have school and we were going to do something fun.  Well… HE sure enjoyed having the guys here working on the furnace!  He was downstairs helping them all day.  I had told the workers to send him upstairs if he bothered them, but I guess he was a big help.  Later that weekend, Ben and I were testing a problem with his nightlight and blew the fuse for the master bath and the kitchen.  Ben of course, wanted to help me fix it, but it was already past his bedtime.  After turning off the refrigerator about 4 times, and running up and down the stairs, more times than I would have liked, I was finally able to figure it out.  (Don’t worry.  That breaker is now marked!)

I had also started to hear some strange sounds when I flushed the master toilet.  It made me wonder if our pipes were frozen again, or if there was a problem with the toilet itself.  It turned out the problem was with the new shower that we had put in before Gary died. I hadn’t used it yet (sentimental reasons I guess,) so the trap was dry.  I ran the shower, and as I watched the water, I thought “What the heck?” and jumped in.  First time since it was finished in early October.  Ben was watching a movie and when he realized I had used the new shower, he got so excited he stopped his movie and ran in to take a one himself! 

In Feb. Duluth held their Boat, Sport and Travel show.  Ben saw the advertisement and wanted to go.  We had the option of going up to Ely, or going snowmobiling with friends, or going to the Boat Show.  Ben wanted to go to the Boat show.  He wanted to work the WDIO booth!  We used to go as a family, most often I would work the booth and Gary and the kids would join us after.  Ben was so happy.  He handed out pencils to the kids, and enjoyed working side by side with our sports anchor Sarah.  (He told me I could leave for awhile. Sarah is pretty cute.)  As we were driving out of the ramp to head for home, the van died.  A tow, three days and a new fuel pump later… I had the van back.  Of course getting Gary’s truck started wasn’t easy… Ben had been playing in there and left the dome light on.  Absolutely no power.  Once we had it jumped, Ben enjoyed driving around in the truck again.

It hasn’t been all bad.  We finally went up to Ely.  I hadn’t been home since the Relay for Life in August.  It was a hard thing for me, many happy memories of Gary and the kids.  It was tough, but important for Ben to get back to doing the things we loved doing as a family.  He got cross country skis for Christmas and he really is enjoying himself.  The last time we got out, Ben actually skied a mile.  It is fun to watch.  He gets so serious about it.   

We have also been ice skating and snowmobiling and now that the snow is gone, Ben has been out riding his bike.  Last Tuesday Ben didn’t have school and I had worked a couple of 12 hour days for hockey, so I took the day off to do something fun with him.  We got free passes from work, and took 2 of his friends to the Great Lakes Aquarium.  It was fun to see him laughing.  The next night we came home and had water in our basement.  What a mess.  It has been coming in off and on, and I will need to have someone look into it.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a doll out there with pins sticking out of it.  Sometimes I just shake my head.  Other days I don’t want to get out of bed.  Ben and I were talking the other day about things, and I guess I sounded a little down. He put his hand on my arm and said, “Mom. Don’t worry. One of these days we will get back on track.”

It’s an awful lot for a 6 year old to take. He is a blessing.  In time, we will get back on track.  Together.