Through a Wife’s Eyes: Giving Thanks
Going to the Wisconsin Dells turned out to be bitter sweet, but also a good thing. With my last post, I was almost looking forward to it. As the day got closer, I wavered. Stress. Sadness. Anxiety. I wasn’t sure what to do. Being with Gary’s family could be a good thing, but I was struggling and I didn’t want to ruin their Thanksgiving with my sadness. I wanted to see everyone, and Ben really wanted to go. My mother-in-law told me not to worry, and that we should come. I am glad that we did. I found the drive to be very relaxing. 5 hours was a lot for Ben – especially going there. He must have asked me 100 times “Are we there yet?” “How many more miles mommy?” But it turned out alright.
Gary continues to be on my mind (and heart) all the time. In fact a few times while in the Dells, I caught myself thinking that he was just in the other room or watching our towels at the pool. I think that must be a normal reaction. Unfortunately there is reality. We did have a nice visit with everyone. (Funny, but most of the people who read this blog were there, so I don’t need to write about everything.)Â
I found comfort in all the hugs and caring words from everyone, Ben did too. Gary loved his Grandmother very much. She meant so much to him. I think that is why it was so important for me to see her. I hope she knows how important she was to him. (and now to me.)  From the beginning, you all made me feel like I am part of your family and I thank you for that. (Who knows… one of these Thanksgivings I might even go out shopping with you guys.) 
A few times during our stay, I found Ben in our room, sitting on the bed. He told me he missed Daddy. (Of course other times I found him sitting on our bed watching NCIS.)  Last year, Gary had wanted us to take a covered wagon ride at the lodge, but when we got out there, they were closed for the day. This year a bunch of us went… I even took a picture of Gary along so he could be with us. He was. And he was smiling.
I am sorry that this post is so disjointed. I guess that is just my frame of mind tonight. It has been 2 months since Gary passed away. I can’t quite figure out if 2 months is a long time or not. In some ways it feels like Gary was just here, laying on the couch. But it also feels like it has been forever since I saw him! Last night was rough. 2 months was too long for me. Today I am just quiet.  A friend asked me the other day “It should be getting better now, right?” I don’t know. When opening a can of peas to make soured peas (Gary LOVED them) makes me teary… I would have to say… it’s not.  I was also  sorry that he wasn’t with me watching the finale to Dancing with the Stars. (Whew! He would have been mad! He was not an Osmond fan.) It’s hard doing the things that we loved doing together. It’s difficult to run into a problem at work that he would have solved in seconds or to have something funny to say that he would have gotten a kick out of. Christmas will be beyond words. I just keep praying, and giving thanks for my family and friends. I can not imagine what this would have been like without you.
Hang in there, Sue. Do not put a time table on your grief. It is different for each and every person, and no matter what the length of time, no matter how you react, I believe, it is normal for each and every person. The Holidays are tough…but you are going through a normal process, missing someone you love. I can’t even imagine. Just know you are loved and have many people who care.
I just want to thank you for writing these. It also gives all of us a moment to think about Gary in our busy lives and remember a very strong, intelligent man, who many of us looked up to and learned from. =) We all miss him, too, in our own ways. =)
Sue and Ben,
I am so glad you came for Thanksgiving. It really helped to fill the void . It would have been sadder without you and Ben spending the holiday with us.
The tears were there but I did manage to keep them at a minimum.
It was so good having Jon with us also. Maybe next year the other children will be able to come spend the Thanksgiving with us again. I hope so.
All you can do is take one day at a time . Some will be very hard. Having had Gary in your life for a short time is better than not having him at all. The two of you made many memories together and Gary was lucky to have made them with you. He wants you to be happy and to carry on with your life as normal as you can. Remember we are here to listen when ever you want. Love and Hugs Aunt Pat and Uncle David
I too am still struggling with tears that seem to come from nowhere. A sound, a comment, a song, will set them off. I know it will get easier, but there will be things that will bring back a memory. Hang on to all the good times. Cherish each day. Let Ben know he is loved by all of us. I was so glad that you decided to join us for Thanksgiving. We all needed each other then.
I thought of you and Ben this Thanksgiving. Thank you for the update. I pray that God will help you through this time and help you find a new peace.
God is always there, you can talk to him any time. I’m sure talking to Gary helps, too. I still find myself talking to Dad, sometimes. Not as much as I used to, but I know he is there watching….
We loved having you there, with us for Thanksgiving. It was a connection we all needed, thank you…..
A friend just posted this about her father, that passed away last week. I thought it was beautiful and I thought of Gary, when I read it: “I see the countless Christmas trees around the world with tiny lights, like Heavens stars, reflecting on the snow. The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year…”
Sue and Ben, Have a Blessed Christmas! Sending love and Prayers…
I didn’t copy the whole quote in my last post. He it is:
“I see the countless Christmas trees around the world with tiny lights, like Heavens stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear many christmas songs that people hold so dear, but the sounds of music can’t compare with the christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, for its beyond description to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you’ll miss me. I see the pain inside your heart, but I am not so far away-we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear, and be glad I’m spending christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above-I send you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold. It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as our Father said to do for I can’t count the blessings or the love he has for you.
So, have a merry
Christmas and wipe away that tear. Remember, I’m spending christmas with Jesus Christ this year.”